I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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