My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I would fuck him just for his dog
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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