I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
