I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
How external is "for external use only"?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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