dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
