Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
