She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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