that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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