Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
