I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
