I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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