So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
