Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
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I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
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Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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