Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
