Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
