you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
