when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
