How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
