I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
