That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Less talking, more tequila
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I love you. Go after that dick
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
