I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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