something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
