He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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