there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
someone owes me an orgasm
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
