just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
