I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
