We won't sleep together?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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