Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
