so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
