***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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