Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
