this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Pooping to opera.
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