I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
