Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
