i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I smell like Dick and happiness
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
