Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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