Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
