New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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