If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
