I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
