shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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