So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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