How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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