Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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