My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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