Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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