Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
