Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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