My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
