I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
