How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
