and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
