I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
