I think I died a long time ago.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
