fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
it glows. i had to have it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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