I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Randomize
