I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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