I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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