Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
