You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
