I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
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Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
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I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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