You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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