Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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