If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
