Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
