You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
