she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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