do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
