he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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