do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
